WHAT WE NEED
I want to share with you something that happened last night in my own family that I thought might be helpful to you.
The past several weeks have been somewhat stressful for me and my extended family.
I recently went down to Washington, D.C., to visit some family with my two kids. We spent some time and that was great. Yesterday I drove back, and it was about a five-hour drive. We got home around 7:30pm. I was exhausted from driving, hadn’t slept well the night before, and was just really tired. So I said to my kids, “Hey I need your cooperation. I need you to brush your teeth, get into bed and please cooperate with what I ask of you.” And they did.
MAY I HAVE YOUR ATTENTION, PLEASE?
Over the past week or so, my youngest child, the five-year-old, had been whining, and talking like a baby, reverting to baby talk. And my cousin who I went to go see asked me about that. I explained that sometimes, reverting to baby talk and reverting to baby behavior is an indication that they have a need. When they were babies, we were attentive to them when they cried and cooed. We always responded to them, and now that my kid is 5, she does a lot so independently! She brushes her teeth, gets dressed, and takes baths, all on her own. Talking like a baby is her way of saying, “I need your attention” and the only way I think I can get it is by behaving like a baby.
The past few weeks, I’ve been distracted and focused on all that has been going on with our family, and not paying as much attention to my children.
Still, they went to bed, and my older one who is almost 7, came out of her room crying, saying, “I need you; I need you; I’m scared.” I had very little patience that night. I took my deep breath, and I tried to hang in there and I said, “OK, sweetie, I need you to go to bed. I need to clean up a few more things, and I’ll be up. Please just go to bed.” And she insisted, “No, can you please just come to bed with me? I need you.”
I cleaned up as quickly as I could and I went back to her room, and thought, I’m not going to lay down with her. I got really stubborn. I thought, I’m not laying down, I’m just going to sit here.
She laid back in her bed. I got on my phone, and I was texting or looking at Facebook, or doing whatever I do, and she leaned over and said, “Do you want to come here, and lay down next to me?” And at that moment I listened. And I put down my phone and laid right next to her. And it felt so good to take that deep breath that I really needed, and I laid down with her and then she said quietly, “Can you please sleep with me tonight?”
All I really wanted was to sleep in my own bed. We had been traveling, sleeping in another bed for five days. My husband wasn’t home; he was traveling. So I said, “Why don’t you come sleep in my room?” and she did.
A MOMENT OF GRATITUDE
She fell asleep quickly. I didn’t—it took me a while. She reached out her hand to me and we held hands. When we were holding hands I reviewed all the things I was stressed about over the past few weeks, what I was feeling, what was going on, what my thoughts were, what my feelings were, and I cried. I didn’t wake her, thankfully, and we just held hands. And I loved that moment of stillness and quietness and calmness with her.
At that moment I didn’t know who was holding whose hand. Was I holding her hand or was she holding my hand?
That’s what I needed at that moment. Somehow, I wasn’t listening to myself, to say, “Maria, settle down, calm down, take a deep breath, take care of yourself.” But my child must have known what I needed, because she asked me, begged me, “Please come with me, I’m scared.” She said all these things that had nothing to do with her, but somehow, she knew, the universe knew, that I needed that moment.
I needed that time. And I was grateful for it. I’m grateful she reached out her hand and held me through that time.